Slowing d o w n

Covid has managed to remove and strip back society to essentials. It wasn’t a surprise that in between lockdown, You could really start to appreciate even just a simple shopping trip to ASDA. Didn’t that just feel magical?! I use refection more often on times of comparison to the present as a way to gage if progress or moving forward has occurred. Sometimes the present isn’t always a better place than before, yet I can see the positives of the journey or difference of the two times and understand how or why something has changed. Refection is strength within a character. It takes someone who is comfortable being honest with where they were, and admitting where they are now isn’t always a good place.

Lockdown did slow down life, everything was taken away but we had to fill it with simplicity. I have never struggled with simplicity of life, although slowing down is very new and very much unnerved me. The ‘go go go’ mentality I have is very much instilled within and I do feel uncomfortable to slow down the pace of a day. I guess that is a positive in some occasions, being productive with time is a benefit. I understand that.

However, I didn’t find, until upon reflection that my version of ‘slowing down’ actually meant I sped up. Weird? I know. The fear of slowing down, made my little head go ‘ I’ll slow down but I will fill my time up’… How disconnected really. It wasn’t until I had a visit up to Manchester to see a friend, and was taken out of my routine of strict, rigid, and run down self that I saw how ‘slowing down’ should be, and how freeing it feels.

I like to have examples. I find that my ideas of what something is like (in this case, the form of slowing down) is very one-sided, which as someone who really benefits from other people’s ideologies and inspiration, it was really helpful to be submerged into someone’s else life; a true form of slowing down. I saw that slowing dow; easy mornings, coffee to sit and let run a little cold, have food later, sit in the sun, chat to your peers, let the clock tick and not count… it just seemed so ideal. It made me feel calm again.

Slowing down is not something that comes naturally, but when I do, I take to it and embrace it so much. I feel lighter, more transient yet I still have purpose, just at a slower speed. I don’t feel urgent; urgency implying I need to do something then and then, time will let me fit it in. You gain enjoyment from sitting rather than moving, even if moving is inherently good, yet sometimes my intentions to move were counterproductive to the positive impact it usually has. I feel I could only feel good by moving. Which is very quick to become obsessive and routine based.

I appreciate that I have examples, good examples, healthy examples of friends who I want to takeaway their way of life. How they slow down life and see that they are happy from it. I understand that their happiness could be surface level, no one is 100% fine in how they live, that requires me to take what I like and mould it to my ethos and person.

Intrinsically slowed down, mentally relaxed is healthy for me, as my mind will often overdrive the speed especially when I know I need to be slower. It’s something I will continue to work on, yet I am fully surrounding to admit it is not easy for me, but thats what we are here to do.