downwards spirals are the hardest to climb but have the prettiest views.

I would say right now, being completely honest (no better place for that than here).

I am trapped in a downwards spiral, and I keep getting caught on the last few stairs at the top to find myself being back at the bottom looking up. It is discouraging and makes me work even less to try to get back on top. The last few steps, when you know you are so close feel almost impossible overtime you fall a little further.

Without using too many metaphors, frankly speaking, I am feeling heavy. I feel quite low and just not in a nice headspace. I guess these are just words you’re reading but feeling them is just tiring. I don’t really like to admit failure, and it’s not a complete failure; I will leave this place at some point. But I have to write these feelings in order to actually address them; so I am not going to ignore them. Ignoring or dismissing feelings is just as harmful as feeling them in the first place.

So this won’t be a long post from me; more of a, here I am. Tired, burnout, feeling low, lost, sad, lethargic, hostile, negative energy. This downward spiral is getting lower and lower with interval movement upwards; but they seem to be slow.

I realise that this spiral will stop moving south and climbing back up will become easier, and I know spirals have an end. This moment right now; I am done trying.

It’ll be worth the climb to the top, it’ll be worth it in the end. I’ll get back on my feet. Acknowledging that this isn’t the end; it’s just the mid-way point. You’re just having a rest. Even if the rest break happens to be in a crappy place. It’s not the view you’ll see at the end.

keeping mental health real and honest x