I know I am not alone, but sometimes we need to be

I am not alone. Of course, we have people around us. The circles we create our incredibly special. But right now, I and wrapped up in shame. I sit needing to be alone. Loneliness when chosen is really vauable and present. I don’t feel I need to consider others around me. I am selfish and need this space of solitude to grasp my own feelings and feel them to understand. I know some people understand and learn about themselves with others around them; I can’t. I need silence.

I need my voice only.

That doesn’t make me sad. Because I know when I am ready to reach out I can. But the feeling I have right now can’t be shared. Aloneness is the darkest beauty in the right setting. Is being submerged in darkness asking for trouble? Is it asking for us to get swept up into the abyss where maybe we blanket ourselves into this place with no way out? For me, no. One thing I know very well about my own pain is that, yes, I am short-sighted when present. The hours and days of sadness felt never-ending. But I know a natural end will come. It will one day feel like I am ready to not succumb to the anguish and change how I breathe the day through. That’s me. Maybe when you live through enough clouded foggy head days, you just know there will be a glaze of brightness shining through at some point. Or is that merely the hope of the subtle optimistic soul that is protected inside.

Protect your soul. Protect your energy and preserve it when you can conserve it for others to help lift you. But that comes with time. Nurture the separation from you and others. The gap brings clarity in time. What we say, feel, and ruminate in loneliness is the narrative of how we can address to share with others.