having a new identify won't change the old skin

Need I say; moved to a new city, and very little I know here. Newness is a feeling I often rejected out of fear. The most unpleasant feeling to me. Newness is yes exciting, but I get so overwhelmed by the changes that fear just triggers the anxiety - which I feel I don’t need a big trigger to feel. Although moving can be magical, every street you walk down is a new adventure. I do like that. I’ve said many a time; routine brings me already the excitement I need compared to most. It’s one of my superpowers I cherish because I know it’s been a skill I have developed over time to strengthen.

I am Martha. A character who has often, especially in recent times, grown, changed shape, molded into lots of different scenarios because of the travel version I was, the Bristol version I was, and now this Manchester version I am. All versions of me are true. I fell in love with the many changes of me because they all perfectly represented me at that time. Growing is loving that past version to understand the current one. What I saw over the years of change is that. I fully recover the regenerate the new skin, the old must shred properly when you are ready. Not the force of pulling apart in order to project a version we think we NEED to be now. Growing can’t be rushed. Shredding skin can’t be forced. The least amount of damage to our old selves, the better our newer self is presented.

Moving here, I have been a lot of new identities; I think I have met at least one new person every week since moving here (minimum!!). That’s a lot, a lot of me! A lot of versions to share. I do like this volume of Martha. I haven’t felt so at ease with change like this in a very long time. All most seamless of transition. Maybe the fear of change is being overruled by the fact that it’s not unknown I am scared of, it’s the idea that I am finding a new chapter of myself, which, as much as self-development is rewarding. It is a draining process. I use a lot of energy I have restored over my traveling to use now. The currency of energy now feels like a bank account soon ready to ask for a loan. I know I can’t keep up this repeat transaction of high energy to give. That is something I understand about the Bank of Martha. It’s okay to close on Sundays. It’s fine even if I have a new sense of self that past parts of me are always remaining in a new skin. I don’t want to change every aspect of me. Replenishing and filling in the divots of flaws I know I have. I think that’s what I have greatly appreciated as time flies - even if new skin forms are merely based on the old self, liking the past version of you and accepting that you can still wear the old parts of you you love.