Plan B- how do you feel about the second choice?

If you follow me personally online, you’ll know that this time tomorrow i’ll be starting a new chapter. The plan B of what I was expecting to do this year. After graduation I craved the desire to travel; the second type of gap year. I wanted to visit New Zealand and Bali and completely let go of what university stress harboured me with. As we know, Covid stopped many, in fact, all of those plans. So it meant that doing a 180 degree turn on my plan of action and it drove me to a dark place. A time pressure to move to a new city, find a job, make new friends (if we can in this current climate?!?!).

I haven’t felt this kind of anxiety since I was 15 years old.

I’m not very good at changing plans. I’m very good at having goals, working towards a project or a motivational feeling of productivity. It’s how I feel in control of something; which is a particularly comfortable feeling for me. A plan B should be called ‘the plan that will be hard work of unknowingly sudden stress, anxiety and uncomfortable goals’. It’s true to say, those that have anxiety are amazing at having a plan and keeping to it. It’s when a plan becomes a car crash, what happens now?

My mental health took a nosedive; I had panic attacks, crying sessions, mental hardships, self esteem thrown to the corner. Whether your mental health is situational (caused by a event/ situation) or not, it’s still the same feeling. Anxiety is anxiety. Depression is depression. But recovery and feeling back to a calmer self can also be just as hard. At least with a situational change; it’s something I know has a end point, because everything does.

Plan B; I’m bad at dealing with change.

When I say ‘bad’, I’m not doing myself a light miss justice. I mean, ‘I AM TERRIBLE!!!’. In fact, I activity work on being able to angle my perception on a plan change too not such a progressively quick reaction of drama. I find it easy to be dramatic and not think first. I am reactive to something being out of my control. Emotional stimulated by enriched, finely emotions. But not the good, healthy ones.

I find boundaries of plans really safe and secure, so naturally I feel the opposite when plan B is coming into play. Plan B is less boundaries and more work to find comfortability with. It’s okay to say ‘I hate plan B’. Struggling to get your head around a totally new direction of a path that may not have been your most favoured one is something that we can be soft with our minds to say ‘I am not okay with this’.

Nevertheless, I’d rather work with plan B than have no plan at all. Plans are a form of progression. I love progressing and moving forward. Growing my mind of strength, my life in adventures, my psyche for new environments- this is how healthy mental health looks like for me. The sense of still moving forward. I like to feel I am still being worthwhile with my time. I like being busy; working in a industry; finding new connections;exploring my city; moving and being physically active. This all works toward a better mentally sound Martha.

So hear is my question to you?

How do you cope when your plans go up in smoke? Do you quickly forge together a plan B in the moment? Or do you already have a backup plan set and ready? Are you able to change your minselt for for plan B quicky? Or do you have to convince yourself for a couple days that it’s still a plan thats worth pursuing? How does the second choice sit with you?

I’m learning that having a plan B (or even plan C,D,E,F) works for me. I may not always transition from the original plan with ease, yet, plan B still feels better for my head to feel in control. I just need to work on setting out mini steps in a plan B to make sure it becomes that plan I can still be successful in.

As always, thanks for being that safe place for me to express my mind,

as always,

Martha’s mind x