escaping doesn't mean you hate where you are leaving.

I was so lucky (because of the pandemic) to leave the country for 4 days to visit Lisbon in Portugal. I admit, I booked this trip a long time ago because I wanted to escape the current situation of life; feeling overwhelmed. This was quite a few months ago. So when the moment this week arrived that I was going, I didn’t really feel I needed to leave my life - until I was somewhere like Lisbon. Gosh, I have solo travelled a few times but something about this trip was really different. Maybe me the person I was travelling with I liked more, or maybe it was a deserved break from life I wasn’t yet overly burnt out from. I raced away before I reached a peak of stress.

Lisbon, thank you for making me feel welcomed and not used as a shin new object to drool over or make fun of. I found that sometimes whilst as a female traveller I can feel quite different and objectified. Lisbon didn’t make me feel that way. I was respected, humbled to be around a city for their beauty, sometimes not noticing what beauty they had. The sun was warm but the fresh breeze kept me present. I ave never enjoyed so much quiet time. I rarely had earphones with music in, rarely craved to be speaking to a stranger. Hardly needed others. As a self proclaimed newly discovered and loving my more extroverted self, I thought Id get scared and nervous of the silence; but actually the silence was wonderful to be wrapped in. I had moments where I could chat more openly; my tattooist, cycle tour guide, maybe the waitress as the cafes I visited. But I loved hearing my own inner voice talk for once. Especially, I got moments to write more. Really express some feelings of moments from home that I hadn’t given more time to air.

Solo travel this time gave me what I needed. Aloneness. I have embraced the weekend shenanigans for a while, and love them! The nights lasting till 4/ 5/6 am in the morning but it can lose a lot of meaning to your soul. Never having time to talk. Express the feelings of me, because Im too hungover and start to spiral into the darkness of the self-loathing that is partnered with the drinking. I wont stop those nights; they’re some of the best fun Ive had. But it was such a needed process this trip that didn’t cause the same cycle of those heavier weekend.

So in all, this trip wasn’t me escaping; I didnt feel like I was burnt out yet. In fact I was almost having FOMO knowing I was missing a fun weekend with friends, yet this trip gave me the opportunity I didn’t see I was dearly and deeply needed. That’s why a trip can come at the most un- needed, unnecessary time but the reason for the trip or the escapism could be the un- obvious ones.

Thankful for being with my head on this one.