l o v e l a n g u a g e s - find me, love
love languages is the concept I have been intrigued by for a number of months now. Mental health and how our brain reciprocates and feels love I think is very important for feeling important and keeping the mind engaged.
Love was one of the reasons Matt Haig chose to stay alive for (Matt Haig, Reasons to stay alive).
Love is that reason for that euphoric feeling of glee and rush of dopamine (Christina Raypole, Healthline)
Love was the theme of many of Shakespeare’s great plays.
Love was the reason the Taj Mahal was built
Of course, love isn’t just a straight forward process. I do however truly believe love; platonic or romantic is one of the ways I can get out of my own head, which in many cases is needed!
The greeks believed there are 8 types of love
Despite not having romantic love in my life, I feel constantly in loved other ways. I do not fear that I am unloveable because love is shown within elements not of kisses and romance, but within the love languages which can be displayed through anyone. The saying that ‘love is in the air’ is very much a possibility. To find your love language, you’ll have the possibility to make connections that make you feel good, in turn, you’ll mental health will be having a little party to celebrate with you!!
Love languages; I do not believe we only speak one. Of course we multicomplex humanoids therefore nothing is ever as complicated as black and white, but some may speak to you more than others.
Words of affirmation
kind, consoling, compliments, questions, speaking, advising, communicating, sending gifs, a little voice note… words!!
Sometimes we just want to talk and be heard. Sometimes we need to vent and for them to say simple words like ‘I’m hear for you’. It doesn’t have to be grand lengthy paragraphs (although we can like them too!) Confessing our love, just some words to hear/read.
This love is seen for me: when my best friend messages me saying ‘thinking of you’.
Quality time
Walks, watching TV, dates out, days out, holidays, time at home, time on the phone, coffee catch ups, adventures, road trips, uninterrupted and non rushed moments to be together.
I think the idea to be with someone without worrying about the next thing we need to get done that day or hour or whatever is a BIG ask these days. I think quality time is about the mind being present rather than the activity. Quality of the conversations or time spent with them. Have they had to reschedule something for you or been excited to have this in the middle of the week? Has it been a while? Did you leave saying ‘I really needed this’.
This love is seen for me; going for 2-3 hour walks with mom.
Receiving gifts
Handmade, brought for a reason, or a ‘just because’ why not, thought of you gift.
Receiving gifts can be a true act of ‘I want to bring something for you’. Money doesn’t need to play a part in this either, gifts don’t mean expense. People can gage gifts in the form of physical or metaphorical. Bring something to my life to make me feel love. This could be something small or the flashy things. This love isn’t shallow at all, remember we feel loved by those we might not even love. This can be seen as your boss giving you employee of the month, or your barrister giving you that free coffee or just leaving a note saying ‘love you!’
This love is seen for me: when my housemate cooks dinner.
Acts of service
random acts of kindness, doing the chores at home, picking up the parcel at the post office, making dinner, hanging your clothes up when you come in from the rain, cleaning your car.
Doing things for someone doesn’t make them a pushover, it shows just how much they want to do something for you. Thinking of your happiness and trying to provide is a lovely thought and act someone can do for us. I think we can overlook this one sometimes, or at least I do.
This love is seen for me: My mom picking me up form the train station at whatever silly o’clock!
Physical touch
Stokes, hugs, tickles, kissing, holds, holding hands, foot touches under the table, playing with hair, scratching the back, high fives, fist pump.
The most physically intimate way to love can sometimes only be by certain people, can be the most reassuring too (PSA: please no one touch someone Inappropriately!!). It feels connectively on a skin to skin sense. When they feel at one with us. Sometimes we miss physical touch more, merely because a lot of our loved ones don’t live near us so seeing them is harder. But we appreciate all the more when we do have it around us.
This love is seen for me: The big, loud high fives off my Ian when we achieved something together.
Love isn’t always sexy, or romantic or movie like. Its the friendships, the kindest, the self, the environment, the life you live. To be in love with everything else before others can be the best relationship you’ll make. The longest lasting one too. To find your love language is a fantastic way to understand how love works for you. Knowing thy love we want to have and how others can show this and we portray is powering, enriching more cosmic waves of love in the atmosphere.
Spread love x