ITS HAPPENING NOW

anxiety comes quickly, fast and BAM… no no no. It doesn’t stop and it reveals and unravels, unfolds bigger. Till I can’t see the floor anymore. I can’t stand up, everything is bigger and taller than me. I am writing this whilst in that complete state of mind. So excuse the many misspelled and grammatical errors. It needed to be written now. Because when we are feeling calm we can write so eloquently and beautifully with metaphors and similes. Anxiety trips are far from that. They are messy. really messy. Shockingly not the right headspace to write. But I need to see words on pages and get my hands typing fast to distract myself from the present. Or maybe being in the present would help. Or maybe or maybe. I’m not sure. Heads become foggy and you start to create more stories inside. Stories sometimes help me forget, or sometimes they feel like they’re about to happen. Ugly stories of mess. Once again mess. It’s my anxiety around unorganised life. Which is why the mess is conveyed in my anxiety. My head feels fast and life is moving at double time. Yet watching the clock is painful and doesn’t move at all.

It just feels busy. busy and messy and full, and fast and never ending and hot. it’s really hot in here and I just want to type faster and faster so more words are seen so I can read more and forget and forget how I feel to keep being distracted amount it all. Because the feel the emotions now is too much. Life feels too much and I just want it to stop.

stop please.

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